It’s a fascinating time to be a ‘mormon’. There are a lot of opinions and views and people seem to be really into cherry picking beliefs these days, but this is one value I want to talk about today: Modesty.
I honestly couldn’t care one iota if you are modest or not. I don’t care if you are a modest mormon or a atheist mini skirt, tube-top wearing whatever. What I DO care about is how disappointing it is that so many people can’t stick to what they say they believe and how people are finding their beauty and confidence from external sources.
The word modesty probably has most people thinking about some very ultra religious group or frumpy clothing….
but there are a looooooooot of high-class modest fashion people out there. (Guys, the muslim world is so much better at this than I ever knew.) Lots of religions are modest and covered and still have amazing fashion and confidence and feel sexy!
You know what’s a great role model? Someone who sticks to what they believe even when the whole world tells them to change and be different. Someone who ignores people that tell them they have to wear swimming suits that show off their bodies if they want to have boys like them and be sexy or that you can’t wear your modest attire to the gym or you’ll look dumb and not be able to get a good workout. Checkout these amazingly powerful, fashionable, sexy, beautiful women sticking to what they believe. Rock on, muslims.
Please, please if you’re a girl reading this can you just realize that following whatever it is that you believe is a million times sexier than feeling like you have to look a certain way or show a certain amount of skin to be accepted or sexy? Being who you really are is where your confidence will come from and THAT my friend is so, so sexy.
It is beyond annoying to me when mormon girls (or anyone claiming to belong to a group that holds a certain belief but goes against it while still claiming membership) post things contrary to what mormons are supposed to believe doctrinally. I don’t care if people leave the church and become Buddhist monks or join some random group that believes in walking around naked, but why claim to be good church-going mormons while posting outfits that no garments would ever work with…? (Yes, I know that not all Mormons that go to church are endowed but the bloggers and Instagramers and people I know that I’m talking about and keep seeing everywhere all are). I don’t care AT ALL if they wear their garments. But what I do care about is how many people can’t seem to live genuine lives of where they are and what they really think. It’s harmful to the communities you’re claiming to represent.
If you’re not wearing your garments anymore or following standards that are clearly stated in church doctrine, just own it and be real with people! If you’re claiming to be the “real deal” and the temple-going garment women but also posting a bunch of photos that don’t fit that…. why??? I’m so confused by this. Just pick! And embrace it. You know someone who is doing a great job of this and being real? Mindy Gledhil. She has recently left the church and posts very genuine, real, and beautiful posts. She’s changed! Changing is fine. But please embrace it and own it and don’t hide behind some fake facade. Here’s another refreshing person to follow. I love how she beautifully and carefully writes about finding things that really represent her and fit her value scale. She’s become one of my new favorite people to follow on Instagram because she is real. Be real, people.
I actually DMed one of these mormon fashion bloggers because I am that person (lol), just asking them about it. She was super nice and said, “I try to wear (my garments) as much as possible, however when I’m shooting 5 outfits and need to change in my car and have to bring all different types of garments to accommodate different types of clothes…. sometimes it’s just easier to wear spanx underneath everything for my shoot and call it a day!” Giiiiiiirrrrrlllll. You’re not wearing your garments because it’s easier to not wear them? Being convicted to a cause or a belief is never going to be easy. This girl often posts in clothes that no garments could accommodate, even if she had brought them, but she also does post a lot of clothing that would fit garments. She is for sure not one of the worst as far as posting things outside of her value scale she says she believes, in my opinion.
Sidenote: if you’re posting things that conflict, it may be possible that you should reevaluate what you really believe and own it. I would love to see you really own it! No one should be forced to wear anything that they don’t want to!
Look at this beautiful picture of a women who’s home had recently been freed from ISIS. The Islamic State had forced the women to cover their faces and this picture shows so much joy as she is finally free! Notice she still wants to wear the hijab though, and that’s great!
Supporting women means supporting them when they choose to take clothes off but also when they choose to put clothes on. Did you know that right now our first muslim women congresswomen are working to legalize the headscarf in congress? People love telling people what to wear! Ignore them. I bet she feels sexy and confident as she sports her hijab and stands up in front of the world to support her values and make change! So sexy.
Again, it doesn’t matter what you wear – what matters is that you believe in what you wear and do you and own it!
My annoyance to this all hit a high yesterday when a girl I follow on social media put out a blog post called, “My Boudoir Shoot: It’s Okay To Be Sexy” Apparently she was getting tons of comments from women who felt very inspired by this post, and I actually think she does an amazing job at helping women accept their bodies. She advocates for body positivity and does an excellent job of it! She said she wrote this post because she was sick of people body shaming her, specifically Mormons telling her to cover up instead of always being so naked on social media. I get this. No one likes to feel judged, however I also agree that it would be really annoying to be trying to teach your mormon daughter about modesty when “mormon” role models are telling them, embrace your body and bare all and THAT’S the way to be sexy and confident!
I feel sad that people in this blogger’s life failed her and made her feel ashamed of her body from a young age. I feel sad that she felt uncomfortable in her body all growing up and felt like she had to hide her larger frame. I’ve been curvy from a young age and never had this negativity in my life. I was always taught about the value of being modest and why and then told, “You know when you’re being modest, choose wisely.” The end. No on ever shamed me because I filled something out more than another girl. Isn’t that the truest? Of course we know when we are being modest or not according to how we are defining it internally. But if you’re mormon, once you’re older and you make covenants in the temple you get garments and a pretty clear outline of what modern prophets have said is the standard of modesty God wants.
But anyways, the point is you do NOT have to show your body off to be sexy. Sarah could have felt sexy regardless of the amount of clothing she was or was not wearing in that blog post. I firmly think that being sexy is directly correlated to being confident, not correlated to how much skin you’re showing or how much your significant other values your body. I cringed when I read in her blog, “When I met Robbie (her now husband), he immediately began changing that perception I had (of being too big with low self-esteem). Suddenly, this new guy in my life was telling me how sexy my thick thighs were. I still remember back when we first started dating, he looked at me like I was crazy when I complained about not having a thigh gap. “Babe, your big thighs are one of the sexiest things about you!!” he said. Little by little, he was helping me along in my own self-love journey by providing the support and encouragement I’d never felt.” It is great to have cheerleaders when we feel down, but you can’t get all of your confidence from outside sources! You have to find that confidence by realizing that you are worth love and worthy of your value regardless of what anyone else thinks about you or your thigh gap.
She’s so close to being the role model we need, but lots of the comments in her and her sweet husband’s social media are all about women wishing they had a man like Robbie to make them feel confident and loved and happy, and that’s not where it should come from. Yeah, it helps a lot to have a boyfriend that thinks you’re beautiful. But what if he changed? What if he left? What if something happens and you don’t have the person you’re getting your confidence from? SOS! Nothing about this is healthy.
Girl. You can be a babe and be sexy and be confident and be whatever you want and you don’t need anyone else to do it. If you wanna rock that mini skirt, do it. If you want to cover up your skin and wear some beautiful clothes that cover yourself head to toe, rock it. The clothes and the boy do NOT make the girl. YOU make the girl. Your value and voice and ability to stick to what you really believe in and to debate a cause you care about or silently support those you care about through acts of service or whatever the heck you want to do because it’s what your value system says, that’s what makes you sexy. Develop the confidence to decide what you believe about this beautiful, crazy world and your amazingly imperfect self and love yourself anyways – independent of anyone else. And then own it! Please don’t be fake or go against what you believe in to “fit in”.
Be healthy. Get restful sleep knowing you’re genuinely being who you really are. Don’t let your head tell yourself negative things. Eat amazing, colorful food. Don’t put garbage into your body. Move – as much as you can and feel that blood pumping through your capable awesome limbs. Try new things. Wear clothes you like that make you feel good, regardless of what the size on the label says and even if they aren’t trendy or “cool”. Laugh as much as you can and enjoy the things that you actually like, even if no one else that you currently know does – your people are out there! Show as much skin, or as little, as you want and believe you should. Don’t be anything that you don’t really believe. Life is too short to waste time pretending you’re something you’re not, and we all need a whole lot more genuine people in our news feeds and in our relationships.